alone?

so last week I went to the #survivor dinner and I was telling the group I have a #relayforlife this Friday where i'm walking the survivor walk and hosting a #facial booth for majority of the night. I may or may not stay the whole night, depends if I have a team. it made me realize how "alone"  I am.  love my family and friends, but they didn't personally walk In my shoes and I get " its gone right?" a lot. 

im not sure when I really started to let this bug me, but last fall ( on way to 5 years clear) it started to really get to me. no one to talk to who wouldn't tear up or glaze over. mom and dad wont talk about it much less consider going to one of the cancer conferences  ( even though they are about positive things and this whole experience we've been thinking positively, but I see where they are coming from).  and now I have relay but no team. I was invited to someone elses team in October, but I have no team. I miss the days where I had the pain but I could still hang out with people and ignore it.  now the pains gone but its like this shadow is hovering and wont go away. aches and pains now turn into, could it be back? im supposed to call my doc for blood results and I haven't because im nervous something might show up and then I can't go to camp.  ive been tripping more often and my mind immediately goes to, is a tumor growing in my spine causing numbness in my feet to cause my excessive tripping?  most likely its caused by not taking my thyroid meds because somehow its all connected. if I ever get up that courage to find out my blood work results from my physical, ill mention it at that time.

thankfully I have this new group I found through my fb online support group, and im now going to two different young adult survivor camps this summer :). one through "mak-a-dream" in #Montana, an #adventure camp.  another with #FirstDescents in #Wyoming - #Kayaking! I will get the opportunity to socialize, meet others who have been in similar situation and learn something new :)  nervous but very excited :)

Young adult cancer survivor dinner!

Hello all.

Through Facebook support groups, I'm in one for NHL, one for stupid cancer, cancer dating, and now a local young adult cancer survivor group. I met a few of the young adults for dinner tonight!  One whom I'm attending make a dream adventure camp with later this month.  I'm super excited!!!!!  

It was great being around others and not worrying about saying something wrong, or hearing " your chemo ended , it's gone! ". Or the other famous saying," you look fine."  I love my friends, and while my family doesn't u derstand why I want to be apart of these groups, I still love them to.  There are so many things you don't understand if you haven't experienced it, either personally or as a caregiver.  I don't wish you to understand them though, but if you know someone experiencing it, don't say the above things! :)


on another note, ive decided to do some ventures to make money online.  Granted surveys are slow moving in the cash department, I can do them during down time, during tv, etc. Heres my link to "join my team"  when you refer people, and they accept you get 10 % of what they earn as well.

Im doing inbox dollars:
Surveys, play games for credits / cash redeem prizes. watch videos and search on the inboxdollars search engine ( in stead of google) earn small amounts of cash to build up :)   does require 30 $ earned in order to redeem cash, but hey, do a little bit every day and earn a check at the end of the month for something fun! or to pay off that remaining bill :-/

http://www.inboxdollars.com/?r=ref20436310

Mysurvey

I have to add you with your email, if your interested in doing surveys for sweepstakes/reward items, let me know! I initially signed up with this through inboxdollars.

and a grocery shopping app Ibotta:

With this app you can get rebates back on items you normally buy when shopping ( ragu, noodles, milk, eggs, sunscreen, etc). and much more! (clothing  through online shopping).  if you buy in person you take a photo of the objects barcode and the receipt, and "unlock "each item by learning a fact, taking a small quiz, or watching a video / commercial for ibotta.  each month get those rebates back and you can track everything on the app as well as make your grocery list :)  it has long expiration dates, small weekend holiday dates, etc.
Code:  phnodsi

if this doesn't work let me know and ill upload the actual "link"

I look forward to "working with you!".  I will be doing relay for life this Friday and doing a marykaybooth as part of the spa tent. ill post pictures of the fun and talk about how the relay impacts me as a thriving survivor :)

 

night shift moments

hello all!  im in the middle of a 12 hour shift at the behavioral health facility I work, and I am enjoying an amazing small cheese and sausage pizza.  I came in early to help fill a gap, so im doing 7 to 7 today. didn't get to start ordering my pizza till midnight, then after I placed one order I realized the place was closed, so I called four different places and finally dominos picked up!!!!! 5 minutes to end of delivery hour, and thankfully they said it wasn't a problem to drive out to me :) even made it before the half hour estimated time! 

today started out frustrating. im now on night two of four night shifts. ( 11 till 7 30ish am).  I was asked last night to come in early ( at 7) and then found out I would have to work with an employee, who frankly I haven't quite meshed with yet.  needless to say after only a few hours of sleep and arriving here, it was a nerve-racking start to the shift.  all in all though, it was a good afternoon. nothing dramatic happened, no incident reports had to be filed, and after this employee left he called me to apologise.  im still processing this, because it totally came out of the blue.  ever had that happen?

 our unit specifically uses "DBT" or "dialectical behavioral therapy".  a lot of validation, talking over the events that led to the emotions, and events that may or may not have been the right choices, and more validation.  the rest of the facility uses CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy.  They do a lot of 'resisting urges" while we are about the feelings that move behaviors and accepting responsibility for those actions. " yea you just did this. now how can we change it so next time a different skill can be used and we can change the situation". I enjoy learning about new things and this DBT is definitely fascinating, feels like it should have been incorporated long ago, but hey better late then never!

What does this have to do with my fellow employee?  well they called to tell me that after our shift processing it got him thinking, and realized that he never really validated me and what I have to offer to the unit.  my initial training was not the smoothest, and in a new unit with one fully trained staff to train a fast growing team of new people, clashing occurred. <--- takes guts to admit that people. between our hiccups and now that some of the air has cleared, it wont be so nerve-wracking to come to work with him anymore.  tonight was the first night we really worked as a team, and now i'm truly able to  enjoy my pizza.  :)

Inspired to write

Hello all!  I m not sure if I wrote about my initial chemo, but for anyone reading this I'll give it ago along with suggestions on surviving it.

As my doc said, everyone handles chemo differently, make sure you communicate with your nurses, write down questions to ask.  Will you have someone with you part of the time?

I switched to Gatorade during chemo,  before I was diagnosed I was downing 15+ bottles a day between day and night

 port may have been sore if I laid on my right side, but the needle portion was nothing! I was given a numbing cream but it was more a feeling of pressure or a mosquito bite. Unless the nurse took more then 3 times to get the needle in its proper position, then it started hurting (didn't happen to often)

My first one was directly after they installed the port, so that morning I was a mess and it didn't help that they couldn't get in an Iv without extra assistants trying(happens after three weeks of testing and blood draws etc) so by the time they got me sedated, ported and into the chemo room I was doing just dandy lol. However I did have a reaction to the rituxan(?)and had to come back a full second day. I had the port that time so the needle anxiety wasn't too bad and the benedryl knocked me out for majority of the day. Felt all swishy after from the liquids so I slept it off in the car /at home.I asked if they could not use the benedryl, they said the chances of side effects /adverse reactions would be much greater and they didn't want to risk putting me through that.

Mom  packed puddings and water, dad got me sodas and chips from vending machine, exploring the hospital gave him something to do. Mom knitted while I was asleep and then we'd play cards or read /puzzles the last hour or two when I was awake.  They also had tvs with donated movies available .

Im back before july, who knew!

Hello all!

 

I told you id be back before summer :) .  Its amazing how quickly time passes.  Since fall, I have left the memory care unit, and I have left the small private practice where I was an art therapist for 6 months.  Starting a new business is difficult though, and I had to make the choice sooner then later.  I am currently in a behavioral health facility as a Residential Counselor! I am like an assistant to the therapists. Us counselors are here for the residents during their stay and help them with skills, cbt homework, keeping up to task with their school homework and keeping safe during treatment.  Parts of it have been a little emotionally difficult for me, but that is why I attend regular supervision with other professionals ( we get together and help give tips to others on getting over the emotional difficulty that some populations may bring to help prevent early burn out)

 

  I am still promoting Mary Kay products ( check out my Facebook page facebook.com/shanson.ibc)   I am meeting with a digital marketing consultant via phone conference to help promote my services as a independent skincare consultant and helping you discover what you love! ( so keep an eye out for my ad this next week on fb, like my page to be available to discounts and skincare / makeup application tips. ) I love the confidence I've gained through this last year of having my business. Ive also gained my "marykay family", who is there when I need support and helps me gain confidence by giving feedback during my product presentations. We give each other tips and tricks on sharing product, and share hotel rooms during conferences!  The girl time is great, we get to dress up, talk about farting and switch back to business all in the same conversation.( if your interested in becoming part of this,, pink bubble world of business women and dancing at conventions, let me know! discounted sign up deal till the end of this month)

 

Back to my previous list of "catchup". warning- long post!

 

Fatigue sucks,especially when it takes over all free time-  as a philosophical question- what's the point of being pain free to live, but being too fatigue to live? as a long term side effect of chemo I have chronic fatigue.  With my new job I am working any and every shift, so my sleeping schedule is gone "poof".  I feel like I sleep all the time, but even during my break between jobs, I still felt too tired to move, to tired to exercise, too tired.

 

I'm trying the excersize thing again! Hopefully it will stick - im trying at least 10 minutes on the indoor bike once a day, walking the dogs if able ( usually half hour with 2 dogs is a good workout), and during commercials using a steperuper thing.  the first three weeks I lost 2.5 lbs!!!!   then I had a busy week of noc shifts, we had some bad snow storms nad I got hit with allergies due to the  change from snow to warmth.  needless to say I regained those 2.5 lbs.  but im back on it again!  its ok to hit bumps in the road, because a bump is just a bump.

 

I'm finally going to be an art therapist!(once I mail in my forms) - i officially finished my post grad supervision hours and face to face client time in January. i have been receiving forms from supervisors and reccomendations from other art therapists, so once i get the final sheet in a sealed envelope ( oopsy for not reading the fine print)  , i will mail them in and become official!  I am also working toward my LPC. i put off the national exam way to long. i am finishing the state statue exam tonight after this blog, hopefully taking the NCE (national counseling exam) next month, and work on finishing my hours between now and next march to become an official licensed professional counselor in the state of wi!  Super excited!!!!  hoping to switch into the experiential department at work to so i can start doing art therapy with the residents.  Until then i am still helping at a local oncology unit twice a month doing art therapy, love helping people use art to help themselves. totally recommend it. ( find me on pinterest ! i have boards for marykay and art therapy )

 

Technology and work frustrations. Joy- going to leave this at that.

 

Still single, the joys of internet dating.- another day.  today some guy messaged me asking if the bush was in or out.  the other day some guy asked if i wanted to be oiled up!  other guys have stood me up and others not responded. Its an interesting world, this internet dating.

 

I think this is good for now, but im definitely going to make a point of posting more often. Ive been working on artist trading cards and visual journaling , so i will share some of those pages!

 

Take care

Spring reminders

My goodness. I'm not very good at this blogging thing.  So much to say and too scattered to remember to write it down!  Here's a list of things I need to write about:

Fatigue sucks,especially when it takes over all free time

I'm trying the excersize thing again! Hopefully it will stick

I'm finally going to be an art therapist!(once I mail in my forms)

Technology and work frustrations. Joy

Still single, the joys of internet dating.

Enough for now, will return before summer :)

fall already!!! **updated***

fall is here everybody!  Im busy as ever, doing marykay and starting as an Art Therapist in a new #mental health facility!!!

We opened august 1st, and we currently have no wait period. located in #westallis wi ,  414-329-HOPE (4673). we accept most insurances and accept private / cash pay.  I offer #ArtTherapy , traditional #counseling in group or individual format.  I am the only art therapist at this facility, and am looking forward to sharing my skills with others in their journey of #selfdiscovery and #healing. Each treatment plan is unique to the individual, and we do discuss our route at the first meeting when gathering patient history.

This next month or so im busy doing booths at fundraisers and holiday sales events~  super fun!  Had two this weekend so im slowly getting my name out!  I will be leaving my assisted living job, while i love my residents and giving them activities outings and entertainers to brighten their days, i need higher pay and i know i wont get that at this place.  I am so stressed with "office politics" and bullying from my coworkers, that its not worth it. i dread going in,  so thank-goodness i have my marykay! My  happy pink bubble. My unit is awesome, and i wish i were going to the seminar this fall called "fame" but unfortunately my budget is nill since i slowed down my hours at the old home, and i dont have clients yet at my new facility so i have to squeeze every penny i have to pay off car and insurances. ( over worked and underpaid, sound familiar?)

anywhoo, if anyone would like to try marykay i can send to go kits anywhere in the us! ( we have no territories, and can have the facial via skype or facetime or webcam!)  its super fun to share this stuff, and am looking to build my team! and i do need 13 more faces by the end of this week ( was given a skincare challenge of 15 for the month), so if your local ( #milwaukee area), please contact me asap!  Id love to share with you some of our new limited edition lotions and lip balms, or our skincare in general! it is the only kind that works for me, for my oily skin and my acne.  everything else drys or irritates my skin :-/  . and our mascara / eye liner is the only one that doesn't make my eyes burn!  and we have several colors including green and gold :)

here is an update of my pages, please like and share!

marykay.com/shanson

facebook.com/shanson.ibc

facebook.com/ArtTherapy.beginnings ( if this doesn't work, type in art therapy new beginnings and my bright shining face will pop up )

twitter: sammi2487
youtube : mssammi
pinterest : samantha hanson