kindness shared is heavens art, that soften the soul and warms the heart - stamped just for ewe
made 106 warm fuzzies total, enough for campers, counselors, office and kitchen staff.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
camp makadream! - "i couldn't make a wish, so i made a dream instead" - counselor
camp, was awesome! i was nervous about going to "cancer camp", its one reason i didn't want to go to "cancer-con" when i first heard about it this spring. i thought it would be all crying, people hooked up to iv bags, people in pain, everything that i didn't want to remember.
was almost completely opposite!
yes we did cry. but it was during a "cabin chat" and our camp leader asked if there was anything anyone wanted to discuss as we had equal amount new comers, and seasoned campers / survivors staying together and technically the camp was about moving forward, survivor-ship and working through the emotional difficulties. that day was difficult for everyone i think, it was about 4 days in and we had been through many physical challenges with activities slowing down, and in a crowded living space ( cabin was very nice, but becomes crowded with everyone and their bags) and of course with side effects of exhaustion ( not the only one!) that wears down on a person to by the end of an extremely busy week. that morning during a "mindfulness" session we experimented with being in the moment while walking and i had a flashback, so of course to me it was a negative experience and i shared that with the group . first time ive had that type of flashback , i basically had to relearn to walk after chemo and i remember holding on to the treadmill while pacing my steps to make sure i didn't fall. yes the severe bone pain was gone, but i was still sick from the chemo and all those smells and feelings rushed back at me. i felt safe to share it though, and i didn't feel different because other people mentioned similar experiences throughout the week.
being 5 years remission and suddenly having this urge to talk to others about all this, it was nice to finally be with people who didn't tear up at the word cancer, who understand the ickyness of the prednisone and the small pet scan injections ( which i had a nurse tell me did not exist one time. i let her have it and she did not return at the end of my pet. hmm) who gave me a hug after a crying session not because of pity but because they understood the experience.
here are my posts from facebook ( plus a little extra from throughout the week)
Thursday - arrived in missoula montana! was bussed to gold creek to "camp makadream" greeted outside of the bus by the camp counselors and a goody bin to start the week, i got a purple frisbee. we went to our cabins and received green tote bags, a blue water bottle and our itinerary. was in camp beartooth! learned quickly that they were going to "dote on " us this whole week by the staff bringing our bags to the bus, and to the cabin and serving us in the dining hall. not used to that type of treatment! but i got used to it quickly, it was nice having someone else take care of me , and taking that time for myself when normally im all about helping others.
(friday) Survived climbing the "butte"! (small mountain, bigger then a hill that plateus on top) took several breaks but I did it! And on my second try completed the rock climbing wall!!
(insert: super empowering to know that I could do it! being super tired and exhausted all the time has made me feel horrible, like i am just lazy (or feel like thats what people think of me since, obviously im out of treatment and i looook fine - long term unseen side effects suck) i had tried climbing the wall once, we had one that started slanted and one that was straight up and down . the slanted one, i got half way and then i couldn't lift my legs high enough and go from leaning forward to backward. after a while i stretched real good and went up the straight up and down / no slanted and got it with only 1 30 second brake with 6 feet to go to the top. woohooo!!!!!. after that i went to the "art barn", and realised they had an entire studio for people to work in throughout the week. made my warm fuzzy to hang in the hall. warm fuzzy bags were hung up for people to put notes in throughout the week, and candy :). after art barn we had a cabin chat , ice breaker to get to know eachother, then dinner and then 9 square. a bunch of us stood in this 9 squares and hit a volleyball to eachother to get someone out ( whoever missed the ball or didn't get it in someone elses square). it stayed light till ilke 10 pm!! ( 11 pm central time back home) We then went and dipped our legs in the hot tub with some other campers and counselors. found out my skin is very sensitive to the chemicals because my feet immediately began burning and peeling after leaving the hottub. we went back to the cabin before 1 am, it was a good day )
(insert: just realized i may have mixed up thursday and friday evenings but that's ok
( Saturdays and sundays insert: farmers market was huge, bought amazing fudge from neldas marvelous fudge stand, salted caramel chocolates and honey lemonade. mmmm. alot of people recognized our camp shirts because the area is big on fundraising to sponsor peoples travel out to the camp and to keep the camp free for patients and survivors. we watched the movie duff. i hate being the duff! anywhoo. was a pretty awesome weekend regardless of mixing up the days activities)
(insert: my negative experience was during the am mindfulness, it was negative but positive at the same time. part of processing and moving forward is to experience and feel and accept. still a long journey as the moments appear but thats ok. doing my collage and other art projects help, and now i have peers to talk to and share with as well. i did need help on the high ropes. being 35 feet in the air balancing on a wire holding a rope made me frozen, but a counselor walked out from his end and helped me by taking my hand and making me look at him and avoid looking down lol. went really quick at that point ! throughout this week i kept saying, if my nephew whos 10 wants to do this, and the kids i work with who are 10 and above can, i can to! was facing fears and shedding that self doubt,. working on it anyway. now that i know i survived the high ropes, i can have fun next time!)
final dayTuesday : finished mindfulness work shop/research participation, prepared for talent show, sketched portraits at said talent show!, then received "grandma tyedye" reward (each of us in the old lady cabin got a reward) at the fancy banquet they held for us, then stayed up signing each others pillows while waiting to head to airport. A local grandma quilting group donates the pillow covers for camp participants throughout the summer. Such an awesome week, and will miss these people and the mountains, but I'm looking forward to coming back home
was almost completely opposite!
yes we did cry. but it was during a "cabin chat" and our camp leader asked if there was anything anyone wanted to discuss as we had equal amount new comers, and seasoned campers / survivors staying together and technically the camp was about moving forward, survivor-ship and working through the emotional difficulties. that day was difficult for everyone i think, it was about 4 days in and we had been through many physical challenges with activities slowing down, and in a crowded living space ( cabin was very nice, but becomes crowded with everyone and their bags) and of course with side effects of exhaustion ( not the only one!) that wears down on a person to by the end of an extremely busy week. that morning during a "mindfulness" session we experimented with being in the moment while walking and i had a flashback, so of course to me it was a negative experience and i shared that with the group . first time ive had that type of flashback , i basically had to relearn to walk after chemo and i remember holding on to the treadmill while pacing my steps to make sure i didn't fall. yes the severe bone pain was gone, but i was still sick from the chemo and all those smells and feelings rushed back at me. i felt safe to share it though, and i didn't feel different because other people mentioned similar experiences throughout the week.
being 5 years remission and suddenly having this urge to talk to others about all this, it was nice to finally be with people who didn't tear up at the word cancer, who understand the ickyness of the prednisone and the small pet scan injections ( which i had a nurse tell me did not exist one time. i let her have it and she did not return at the end of my pet. hmm) who gave me a hug after a crying session not because of pity but because they understood the experience.
here are my posts from facebook ( plus a little extra from throughout the week)
Thursday - arrived in missoula montana! was bussed to gold creek to "camp makadream" greeted outside of the bus by the camp counselors and a goody bin to start the week, i got a purple frisbee. we went to our cabins and received green tote bags, a blue water bottle and our itinerary. was in camp beartooth! learned quickly that they were going to "dote on " us this whole week by the staff bringing our bags to the bus, and to the cabin and serving us in the dining hall. not used to that type of treatment! but i got used to it quickly, it was nice having someone else take care of me , and taking that time for myself when normally im all about helping others.
(friday) Survived climbing the "butte"! (small mountain, bigger then a hill that plateus on top) took several breaks but I did it! And on my second try completed the rock climbing wall!!
(insert: super empowering to know that I could do it! being super tired and exhausted all the time has made me feel horrible, like i am just lazy (or feel like thats what people think of me since, obviously im out of treatment and i looook fine - long term unseen side effects suck) i had tried climbing the wall once, we had one that started slanted and one that was straight up and down . the slanted one, i got half way and then i couldn't lift my legs high enough and go from leaning forward to backward. after a while i stretched real good and went up the straight up and down / no slanted and got it with only 1 30 second brake with 6 feet to go to the top. woohooo!!!!!. after that i went to the "art barn", and realised they had an entire studio for people to work in throughout the week. made my warm fuzzy to hang in the hall. warm fuzzy bags were hung up for people to put notes in throughout the week, and candy :). after art barn we had a cabin chat , ice breaker to get to know eachother, then dinner and then 9 square. a bunch of us stood in this 9 squares and hit a volleyball to eachother to get someone out ( whoever missed the ball or didn't get it in someone elses square). it stayed light till ilke 10 pm!! ( 11 pm central time back home) We then went and dipped our legs in the hot tub with some other campers and counselors. found out my skin is very sensitive to the chemicals because my feet immediately began burning and peeling after leaving the hottub. we went back to the cabin before 1 am, it was a good day )
(insert: just realized i may have mixed up thursday and friday evenings but that's ok
( Saturdays and sundays insert: farmers market was huge, bought amazing fudge from neldas marvelous fudge stand, salted caramel chocolates and honey lemonade. mmmm. alot of people recognized our camp shirts because the area is big on fundraising to sponsor peoples travel out to the camp and to keep the camp free for patients and survivors. we watched the movie duff. i hate being the duff! anywhoo. was a pretty awesome weekend regardless of mixing up the days activities)
(insert: my negative experience was during the am mindfulness, it was negative but positive at the same time. part of processing and moving forward is to experience and feel and accept. still a long journey as the moments appear but thats ok. doing my collage and other art projects help, and now i have peers to talk to and share with as well. i did need help on the high ropes. being 35 feet in the air balancing on a wire holding a rope made me frozen, but a counselor walked out from his end and helped me by taking my hand and making me look at him and avoid looking down lol. went really quick at that point ! throughout this week i kept saying, if my nephew whos 10 wants to do this, and the kids i work with who are 10 and above can, i can to! was facing fears and shedding that self doubt,. working on it anyway. now that i know i survived the high ropes, i can have fun next time!)
final dayTuesday : finished mindfulness work shop/research participation, prepared for talent show, sketched portraits at said talent show!, then received "grandma tyedye" reward (each of us in the old lady cabin got a reward) at the fancy banquet they held for us, then stayed up signing each others pillows while waiting to head to airport. A local grandma quilting group donates the pillow covers for camp participants throughout the summer. Such an awesome week, and will miss these people and the mountains, but I'm looking forward to coming back home
i will add a new post with images :) i met such amazing people at this camp, or "young adult conference / YAC" some who are still on chemo, recently off chemo, in studies to keep track of mutated genes, people in remission. everyone was full of life and energy in their own way, smiles and greetings from seasoned and newbies alike. the counselors have all been touched in someway by cancer, either as a sibling, a friend or a surivor. They also had volunteers in each cabin, who have somehow been touched by cancer either through work (ours was a radiation technician intern), or survivors or siblings. Some of the ladies in our cabin were staying for the next weeks camp or had stayed in the previous weeks camp. We shared bits and pieces of what treatment was like, learned about other treatments and what different diagnoses meant. one young breast cancer survivor showed me her scars, and the volunteer was able to describe where her radiation treatments were . Shell be getting her new boobies in october :) . this camps motto was " come to camp, could change your life". so fortunate i was able to get a travel scholarship and meet these amazing people, but also to take the time for myself and relax in between outdoor activity. i can do things, i am still me! just a different me, my new normal. But now i know that in my new normal, i can still do what i used to enjoy and that makes all the difference. im not alone anymore :)
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Camp
On way to camp makeadream! Day started out a little scary, accident right in front of me and dad on freeway. Here's to hoping for a smooth flight! Wont have Wi-Fi so I'll post images and journal entries next week!
Monday, June 1, 2015
random mummblings of a night shifter
I was looking at my stats tonight, because with Google blogger it tells you where your viewers are from! im international people :)
United States 75
Singapore 13
United Kingdom 9
Estonia 8
Switzerland 4
Australia 1
Canada 1
Hungary 1
New Zealand 1
Poland 1
Out of those countries, I live in the US, have visited the UK ( England and Scotland), and gone fishing in Canada! Have also visited Italy. Australia is on my list ( if you have any sites to see please comment below for my future travel plans!) And if id get the chance id love to back pack through Europe see all the others! ( when I say Europe, at this stage of tiredness I tend to chunk that entire part of the world together, I apologize for not recognizing the differences at this time)
I received an email about a week ago for my state department licensing application. I finally got a chance to check out my "checklist" tonight and I'm not sure what's left except gathering my hours? will be working on that list tonight. super excited!!! I passed the NCE (national counselor examination) which states im competent on a national level to become a state licensed professional counselor! ( again I apologize for not recognizing the differences in the individual countries within the continents, my multicultural class memories are screaming at me inside as I write this)
im on night two of three of night shifts. I suppose I will find out tomorrow if I will be doing a third night or if it was picked up before I requested. ( pool employee, I pick up as needed and would love to pick up in advance but unfortunately it doesn't always work that way) I am officially interviewing for other part time jobs ( love my marykay, but im not at the point yet where I can do it full time, but im always willing to send out togo kits ( home made kits of samples with instructions) and meet with you on Skype/facetime to give you your facial! certain countries have their own Marykay and can not go through US marykay, but nationwide your clear to contact me, I believe this includes the islands but id have to double check) one part I love about Marykay, its sharing the product and building relationships. We want to know about you, what you want, what will help you feel good. Coffee and a chat, a new shade of lip-gloss, I know some consultants who go to the zoo with their clients (if they have kids or just want to hang out). I have yet to get a zoo initiation, but someday :) until then coffee or cocoa and a chat is nice :) (my treat!) our new shades of lipgloss are pretty awesome though. we have two special ones that proceeds are given toward cancer research with their purchase. Our @ play ones are fun, a cheek and lip stick, jazzy berry coloring? and our new cream eye shadow / eye liner combo sticks. ahhh!!! the life of a beauty consultant, must hold back... lol when I finish up a lipstick, one of the many in my makeup bag / purse, work bag etc then I will allow myself to buy a new one. if these awesome ones are still available, it was meant to be. (did I mention as an active consultant you get a half off discount?) www.marykay.com/shanson for more info (success stories of longtime consultants , can give you a phone line to listen to as well (free), we have virtual makeover(free) , skincare quizzes to help find your skin type (also free) , and I believe you can choose your own samples with your purchase (also free!)
anywhoo. sleeping during the day is not near as filling as sleeping at night. I have my cloth eye mask from my plane travels during school, I darken the room, I have a nice cuddly comforter, the fan on , but its more of a long nap. only 7 more hours to go! (staying late today, switched shifts with someone so they are coming in a little later and im staying a little later, kind of a partial mini shadow for am shift that's not really a shadow but im calling it one because Friday ill be doing a half am shift all on my own and soooo anxious, but at the same time not. think once I get sleep again I will feel better about it) will be in an adult aoda unit, so technically they will be in groups the whole time , but its the filling orders from doctors and therapists im worried about as I haven't done that since orientation back in December. (my home unit im on weekends, orders are usually put in weekdays) I was reassured by other staff though that if I can survive the challenges of my home unit, Friday will be a piece of cake.(home unit is adolescent females with severe depression )
well, I have a list of things I need to do, outside of the work ive completed already, going to start filling out my marykay business quarterly forms and organize my receipts up until now. (determined to be prepared by January for taxes this year instead of the last week allotted to get info in! whoops...but between the tax forms that marykay provides and +TurboTax I was set in no time! received my refunds very quickly as well . I did have to do an Identity confirmation quiz, but it was like 4 questions and took 30 seconds. luckily with my marykay website, if you enter your payment information its confidential and secure. I try not to enter my information on many websites because you just never know, but weve even received awards for having such a successful website!
Anyway, back to working on my personal todo list. goodnight! or is it good morning?
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