thinking of you, and the future.

I was able to post some pictures in the previous blogs, Im not sure if i have any followers yet but if i do, feel free to go back and look.

I am supposed to start applying for jobs soon as i graduate in may ( go me!)  but im nervous. I am homesick, but i know if i go straight back theres a good chance i wont find a job, but if i stay out here i may or may not find a job (as jobs are slim pickings anywhere these days) and then i will still be 1100 miles away from family and friends.  i suppose im nervous about being alone and that my poor memory ( which became worse with the chemo) may get in the way of my job interviewing, and then they'll ask about the gap in my resume. i have been getting split reviews from different people telling me to own up to having cancer and to avoid saying it at all costs.  i realize i can't NOT get hired for having a history of cancer, but it doesn't mean that it wont still be in the back of all our minds. Same goes for relationships, i have this fear that my medical history will also get in the way there to. ( this is on the mind as we just had new years and of course everyone around me seemed to have someone for new years, except me) .

new years resolution, a quote came to me from a movie i viewed on Netflix : " what was it she feared the most? - being alone-  Yes! and because she feared being alone, she was enveloped by it!"  -  so maybe that wasn't the exact saying, but close enough.  i'm going to make an effort to stop being so worried that this will keep me alone and focus on more important things, like finishing school and getting a job! and who knows, maybe with these distractions , as my young nephew would say , my prince charming will be found.