oh my

hello all!  I just checked my views and I had like 58 views in the last week!   :) yay  it probably helped that I did post this on a few Facebook pages of mine.  feel free to comment , like, share, whatnot!  I am glad I can help reach out to others with my experiences to share that were not alone, even if it feels like it sometimes. ( were all allowed to have pity parties. check out kris carr author of crazy sexy cancer for some of her experiences )
- my favorite one ( not word for word)  but she had been in a dark house for days, her mom finally came to find her, saw all the shades drawn, Chinese food cartons everywhere and her sitting in the dark. they packed her up , the cat in its box and went on their way.  while stuck in a traffic jam outside  the big tunnel in new York with the cat screaming in the backseat she finally turns around and grabs the cage shaking it and screaming back at the cat.  the cat of course stopped, looked at her and started screaming again ( no harm done). 


my family used humor during treatment, because we preferred to laugh instead of cry.  we still cry when we think about it though, one reason why my parents don't want to think about these relays I want to attend, or people I want to meet or conferences ( although next year im totally doing #cancercon, cryathon or not I heard it was awesome). 


Speaking of relay!  I don't have photos at this time, but I will get them up in a following post.   a new friend from one of those said groups met me and kept me company in between laps. (I was doing a marykay booth offering facial demos).  hanging out with her was awesome! she let me test some of my product on her, we both talked about direct sales we've done / tried in the past, talked about our experiences with our doctors, had some good laughs and even ate cake she won during the cake walk!


but OMG it was so hot in there, we thought we were #melting.  I was wearing a dress k, a dress! no nylons, no sweater over it, was freak in melting!!!!!!!! one of the massage ladies in my corner went home to get a fan and we were still melting. I felt so bad for them because they had to massage people for 4 hours in the dying heat of the building.  why would a building not turn on their air, especially for this population??? according to the school kids, the air had not been on during the day either. ( its been raining a lot in our area, not that cold but who knows how they run their system?)


me and my new friend did do the survivor walk ( me in my red dress and black heels) , but I had my survivor shirt hanging at my table, wore it after the booth closed for a few laps before deciding to leave because of the heat, and being a boring adult who likes to sleep at night lol.  ( friend had to get up early and her dog needed to be let out so she left to).  I was able to get a picture with the culvers cone walking around, yay for celebrating life! (and promoting my business).  One lady did comment that I was over dressed, she was only wearing a dress because she got out of work and came straight in, and here I was in red dress and heals.  I commented that this was my professional work clothes as a consultant and she just wiggled her fingers at me while i was talking and waved herself with one of my catalogs. I stopped talking and just nodded and smiled at that point .  Another woman said she had switched to arbonne and lbri and needed to switch back to Marykay, so who knows! :)


At the end of the booth time was the #luminaria ceremony. people wrote remembrances on bags and they were filled with glow sticks and at a certain time the lights went out so people could walk around and take time to remember.  In the beginning us #survivors had to cut a piece of ribbon and tye it to a wire bracket ( for flowers)  so at the end we had a tulip gate full of ribbons and colors. mine was #lime green for #lymphoma . 


anywhoo, I made it home, took forever to fall asleep because of the heat ( should have jumped in a cold shower, but the fan helped), slept on and off all day because of a pounding headache and the need to work night shift ( here I am typing at 4 30 am).  my next post will be about the constant battle between fatigue, exhaustion and insomnia!  maybe tomorrow night , as I work night shift again and its soo much easier to type on a regular keyboard then the ipad. ( also doesn't accidently erase as easily)

Blast prom the past, photos.

We like to think we accidently flipped off the neighborhood with our lights that winter. We needed something to laugh about

.

!Me and my baby nephew

First night with wig after chopping hair off, was still in shock of it finally being real

My assortment of wigs from www.bartzpartystore.com

Gotta keep them clean!

alone?

so last week I went to the #survivor dinner and I was telling the group I have a #relayforlife this Friday where i'm walking the survivor walk and hosting a #facial booth for majority of the night. I may or may not stay the whole night, depends if I have a team. it made me realize how "alone"  I am.  love my family and friends, but they didn't personally walk In my shoes and I get " its gone right?" a lot. 

im not sure when I really started to let this bug me, but last fall ( on way to 5 years clear) it started to really get to me. no one to talk to who wouldn't tear up or glaze over. mom and dad wont talk about it much less consider going to one of the cancer conferences  ( even though they are about positive things and this whole experience we've been thinking positively, but I see where they are coming from).  and now I have relay but no team. I was invited to someone elses team in October, but I have no team. I miss the days where I had the pain but I could still hang out with people and ignore it.  now the pains gone but its like this shadow is hovering and wont go away. aches and pains now turn into, could it be back? im supposed to call my doc for blood results and I haven't because im nervous something might show up and then I can't go to camp.  ive been tripping more often and my mind immediately goes to, is a tumor growing in my spine causing numbness in my feet to cause my excessive tripping?  most likely its caused by not taking my thyroid meds because somehow its all connected. if I ever get up that courage to find out my blood work results from my physical, ill mention it at that time.

thankfully I have this new group I found through my fb online support group, and im now going to two different young adult survivor camps this summer :). one through "mak-a-dream" in #Montana, an #adventure camp.  another with #FirstDescents in #Wyoming - #Kayaking! I will get the opportunity to socialize, meet others who have been in similar situation and learn something new :)  nervous but very excited :)

Young adult cancer survivor dinner!

Hello all.

Through Facebook support groups, I'm in one for NHL, one for stupid cancer, cancer dating, and now a local young adult cancer survivor group. I met a few of the young adults for dinner tonight!  One whom I'm attending make a dream adventure camp with later this month.  I'm super excited!!!!!  

It was great being around others and not worrying about saying something wrong, or hearing " your chemo ended , it's gone! ". Or the other famous saying," you look fine."  I love my friends, and while my family doesn't u derstand why I want to be apart of these groups, I still love them to.  There are so many things you don't understand if you haven't experienced it, either personally or as a caregiver.  I don't wish you to understand them though, but if you know someone experiencing it, don't say the above things! :)


on another note, ive decided to do some ventures to make money online.  Granted surveys are slow moving in the cash department, I can do them during down time, during tv, etc. Heres my link to "join my team"  when you refer people, and they accept you get 10 % of what they earn as well.

Im doing inbox dollars:
Surveys, play games for credits / cash redeem prizes. watch videos and search on the inboxdollars search engine ( in stead of google) earn small amounts of cash to build up :)   does require 30 $ earned in order to redeem cash, but hey, do a little bit every day and earn a check at the end of the month for something fun! or to pay off that remaining bill :-/

http://www.inboxdollars.com/?r=ref20436310

Mysurvey

I have to add you with your email, if your interested in doing surveys for sweepstakes/reward items, let me know! I initially signed up with this through inboxdollars.

and a grocery shopping app Ibotta:

With this app you can get rebates back on items you normally buy when shopping ( ragu, noodles, milk, eggs, sunscreen, etc). and much more! (clothing  through online shopping).  if you buy in person you take a photo of the objects barcode and the receipt, and "unlock "each item by learning a fact, taking a small quiz, or watching a video / commercial for ibotta.  each month get those rebates back and you can track everything on the app as well as make your grocery list :)  it has long expiration dates, small weekend holiday dates, etc.
Code:  phnodsi

if this doesn't work let me know and ill upload the actual "link"

I look forward to "working with you!".  I will be doing relay for life this Friday and doing a marykaybooth as part of the spa tent. ill post pictures of the fun and talk about how the relay impacts me as a thriving survivor :)

 

night shift moments

hello all!  im in the middle of a 12 hour shift at the behavioral health facility I work, and I am enjoying an amazing small cheese and sausage pizza.  I came in early to help fill a gap, so im doing 7 to 7 today. didn't get to start ordering my pizza till midnight, then after I placed one order I realized the place was closed, so I called four different places and finally dominos picked up!!!!! 5 minutes to end of delivery hour, and thankfully they said it wasn't a problem to drive out to me :) even made it before the half hour estimated time! 

today started out frustrating. im now on night two of four night shifts. ( 11 till 7 30ish am).  I was asked last night to come in early ( at 7) and then found out I would have to work with an employee, who frankly I haven't quite meshed with yet.  needless to say after only a few hours of sleep and arriving here, it was a nerve-racking start to the shift.  all in all though, it was a good afternoon. nothing dramatic happened, no incident reports had to be filed, and after this employee left he called me to apologise.  im still processing this, because it totally came out of the blue.  ever had that happen?

 our unit specifically uses "DBT" or "dialectical behavioral therapy".  a lot of validation, talking over the events that led to the emotions, and events that may or may not have been the right choices, and more validation.  the rest of the facility uses CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy.  They do a lot of 'resisting urges" while we are about the feelings that move behaviors and accepting responsibility for those actions. " yea you just did this. now how can we change it so next time a different skill can be used and we can change the situation". I enjoy learning about new things and this DBT is definitely fascinating, feels like it should have been incorporated long ago, but hey better late then never!

What does this have to do with my fellow employee?  well they called to tell me that after our shift processing it got him thinking, and realized that he never really validated me and what I have to offer to the unit.  my initial training was not the smoothest, and in a new unit with one fully trained staff to train a fast growing team of new people, clashing occurred. <--- takes guts to admit that people. between our hiccups and now that some of the air has cleared, it wont be so nerve-wracking to come to work with him anymore.  tonight was the first night we really worked as a team, and now i'm truly able to  enjoy my pizza.  :)